I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
