fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
