Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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