all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
