dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
