Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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