Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
