I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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