quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
