After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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