How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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