I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
