he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
