I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
