and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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