i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
