I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
