Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I'm passing your future prison.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
