Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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