so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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