i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I want her autograph on my taint
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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