Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
