the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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