Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
