3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
