i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
