No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
