u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
