his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
