I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
