I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
