I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
