when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
