So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
foreskin is a definite game changer
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
