Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I didn't notice because vodka
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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