I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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