There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
