I'm lost and stupid without you.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
