I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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