Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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