So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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