She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
jump out the window naked night went bad
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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