im six kinds of drunk right now
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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