i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize