she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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