ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
