I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
