nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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