You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
