..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
