A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize