Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
