Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
