My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
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