he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
