Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
