NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
