omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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