The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
