try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
