worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
