it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
